24. Forgetting All That Should Be Remembered
"I'd say something like, 'He tasted salty,' but I don't want that put into the official record. So let's go with 'badabing badaboom' instead."
-- From the official government transcript of government employee Savjetna Pennywise
Fear of discovery by the two new prisoners faded into a somnambular state for Larry sometime after seeing a searing sun set into a wash of reds and oranges, painting the insides of his apartment with the colors of retreat and comfort. As he settled into his large, comfortable chair, Larry remembered tomorrow’s weather called for rain, the first he could recall during his time in the colony.
Relaxed moments like this still reminded him of Earth. And he longed for some of the creature comforts Earth provided. He didn’t miss political turmoil or haggles with his boss about the length of his articles. He didn’t really miss the constant barrage of advertising or the stress caused by Los Angeles traffic. Rather, he missed some of the satisfaction of being human again and not having to conceal his identity constantly save to a handful of people.
Seeing the last lashes of crimson in the sky gobbled by the inky black of night and the clouds rolling in, Larry felt more melancholy than usual. First he thought of his cat, Eddie. Not that Larry stood up as some sort of "cat guy," but now that Eddie could talk, something more existed than cleaning out the cat box and dumping a can of food onto the plate. Larry wondered where Eddie ended up.
And again he thought of Jetta. So close. His eyelids closed and he stretched back into the chair, letting the comfort of the thing absorb him. Just a few more minutes with her. Just some time to get the words out. Just a conversation to say … but then Larry caught himself.
23. Two Prisoners, One Cup
“And there He was. I honestly peed a little. He had no clue about the other thing.”
-- Axel Tubbs, Emteeveen television personality
The conversation with Savjetna transitioned from an extended, sometimes loud exchange to a quiet night in alone in the apartment. That transitioned to a night’s sleep and a new day. A new day brought Larry Milk his new duties around the colony, including various administration duties handed to him by Sienna himself. Working. Eating. Sleeping. Eating. Sleeping. One day transitioned to another. Then another. Then another. Days turned to weeks. Weeks to months. By the time Larry gave it any thought, seven months passed.
Within that time, his skin finally took on the pale blue tone of the natives. He wondered how long the treatment would take to take real effect (answer: about three months). Larry bound himself with clothing, made excuses and played recluse until then and no one seemed worse for wear about it. Larry’s hair grew longer and he sported a thick, brown beard. Both prosthetic arms were easier to manage, though in those first few weeks, he thought for sure they would fall off. Fortune, it seemed, smiled on Larry blending into his surroundings.
22. Chain, Chain, Chain
“The sheer chances of that starship hitting this planet at that time were mind-boggling. Astounding. I mean, choose your rhetorical response. However, it did hit that planet and landed just meters from where Larry Milk stood. I mean, seriously, what are the odds?”
-- From “My Politics” by Adamants leader Ignacio Sheets
Eight years before Larry Milk began changing his clothes to get a good night’s sleep in his Rueclanahan apartment, something extraordinary almost happened.
Within a small string of planets named the Blanchard System 3,276 light years from Earth spun a small, aquamarine body that a bored scientist with a huge government grant discovered. He would later call the planet “Megus,” The scientist discovered that Megus is much like the planet Neptune, an ice giant about four times the size of Earth composed of water, hydrogen, nitrogen and helium.
21. The Politics of Dancing
"I should write that I found him a cunning, dubious foe, whose wisdom and intelligence overshadowed everyone is his presence. I should write that his knowledge of the tradecraft and the underpinnings of reviving an empire based on the guile, cunning wit and leveraging resources and people correctly were unparalleled. I should write about the charisma of a man who rallied a nation. However, what I write is this: meh."
-- From the journal of Savjetna Pennywise
In just mere moments together, Savjetna Pennywise had intrigued Larry.
He had to be careful, however. Larry knew this about himself. He became easily intrigued. Take Internet memes, for instance.
Larry found them deplorable and mostly banal wastes of time. Thousands of half-rendered JPG files sent and resent through countless electronic mail forwards. Each time one of these forwarded wastes of time dropped into Larry’s inbox, he could not smash the 'delete' key fast enough. These meme motivational and demotivational posters ate through the Internet like a cavity and Internet service providers should have been better about quashing them the moment people started liking them. As Internet phenomenon went, they were Jerry Springer and Morton Downey Junior tag teaming a single mother who was mainlining heroin while smoking Kents as her crying toddler and 100 million Americans watched. Larry hated all of them.
Except one.
20. The Big Red Clock Stops
"You think He would have known. You think as the smoke of conspiracy and hegemony filled His lungs, He would have exhaled and blown through the thick grey clouds and seen the light on the horizon. In all of this, we believe that He would have thwarted this scheme, rose above the fray and smited His foes. But really, He was something of a clod, klutz and dimwit, so our expectations diminished faster than appearances of Drew Carey on his own TV show. Alas."
-- From the personal journal of Savjetna Pennywise
“It is a great day for Emteeveens and the people with whom we work alongside,” Mark Goodgoodman said, raising his left hand. “As you can see behind me, the Apocalypse Clock is still ticking. However, I am proud to be able … to do this.”
The camera spun around and showed Goodgoodman pressed a saucer sized blue button. The clock stopped. Larry took a breath.
“I wish he’d just let the thing tick down,” someone nearby muttered.
19. I Am Become Axel Foley
“In writing about Larry Milk, I would say that He was an average dullard whose traits as a messiah were equal to mine or that of the common field mouse. That is to say, He had none. In fact, were I comparing Larry Milk to a roast beef sandwich in terms of having the powers of a Christ, I would give the edge to roast beef sandwich simply by this virtue: with roast beef, one can make a Philly Cheese Steak sandwich. With Larry Milk, one cannot. And now, my elegant words have made me hungry. I’m off to the fridge.”
-- From the journal "Thoughts on the Coming of Larry Milk"
by Jetta Disco, daughter of Ignacio Sheets
Larry would have preferred fresh lochs and onions wedged between two pieces of soft bread. He would have preferred a tall glass of cold beer, settled into his living room to catch the start of a Dodgers or Lakers game. He would have preferred to be back in his apartment, finishing the shower and enjoying the pulsating massage of his new shower head.
Book II. The Journey
With Chapter 18, we conclude the first book and begin the second book. Enjoy
18. Larry Has Left the Building
About three minutes into his own sobbing, Larry realized he had only cried three times previously.
The first came shortly after his father walked out. By walked out, Larry’s father quite literally grabbed a stack of National Geographic magazines, a cooler filled with Miller Genuine Draft beer and the contents of a lockbox squirreled away in the master bedroom, kissed his son on the head, flipped the middle finger on his right hand directly at Larry’s mother, and walked out. When Larry asked his mother where his father had gone off, Larry’s mother responded, “Apparently, somewhere we are not.” And when his mother died three short years later, Larry sat alone, parentless and feeling as though he’d fallen into an abyss.
17. Father Knows Best
By the time Hume finished his retelling of Plato’s tale for Larry‘s edification, Larry found needed food. Darkness crept through the windows. Larry realized there would be more to follow what Hume had told him. However, he couldn’t concentrate and found himself growing edgy.
Hume acknowledged Larry’s needs. Ensuring Larry came completely free of his bonds, Hume and a pair of other Realists made their way through the building to a small canteen. Every new view of the Realists compound reminded Larry of an old roadside service station. One stripped bare by grains of sand whistling by its solitary desert location. One with rusted pumps and paint peeling off the walls. One where broken autos, bathrooms soaked in travelers careless urine and a scratchy FM radio played background music from the likes of Bread and Orleans. Nothing stood permanent. Almost everything said “temporary.” Yet at almost every exit between El Paso and Alamogordo, these rickety outposts stood.
16. The Allegory of the Cave
In a crowded pub somewhere on the south side of Athens, Socrates turned to Glaucon with a broad smile, looking as though he might fall over. They’d finished a long journey from points on the outskirts of Greece to here. Socrates had settled in for a night of telling his stories. Glaucon sat receptive -- he had no choice, really; he was the student -- for the first six hours, but now his Grecian ass tired. Worse, Glaucon's sun dial lost shadows hours ago and the Thespians at the front of the bar who had been describing the day's football matches were long gone.
Glaucon thought long had past the time to leave this place, go home, take off the toga and sleep. The things we do for family, he thought. So, he sat believing this would be Socrates seventh and last story. That Socrates would blather about something other than women's breasts, fast chariots and his love of cheese as he had for the first five hours would be relief.
